god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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