I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
