I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
