I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
