not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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