remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Someone signed my nipple.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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