guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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