did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
