Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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