Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
