I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
