My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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