I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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