Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
