Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
