Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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