I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
