1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
