My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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