i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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