It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
