it hurts more in the daytime
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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