another moral hangover. fuck.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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