I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
