I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Houston, we have a blender
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
