I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
