I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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