if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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