hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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