she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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