So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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