He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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