Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
