Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
