you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
