would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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