Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
