I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
