dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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