it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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