Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
