She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
