lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
