im having a threesome with these popsicles
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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