don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
