I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
