Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Even my vagina gasped.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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