every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
