just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
porn star boner night. come get it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
