The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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