No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
