Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
