They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
