Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
