Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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