i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
