I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
