Don't make out with my wife yet
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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