On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
